Climbing back out

Hi folks,

I feel I owe this blog a post. It's been more than 2 weeks. This last couple of weeks have been tough, but I feel like I am beginning to be able to see the other side. Not to pile on, but my grandma (last of the grandparents) passed away, which is not such a bad thing in and of itself (she had a bit of a mean streak) but it meant that my family was once again grieving and I had to go down to LA to be with them. I feel bad for not being more sad, but it is how it is. On the good front, a potential job came through, which is fantastic and reassuring. I have an interview tomorrow morning. I remain needing to get the hell out of the house ASAP, but I am very glad to have learned that staying home is not for me now rather than later.

In fiber news, I have been knitting Christmas presents, so no pics there, but I have been spinning, just to keep my mind off all the crap going on. Behold, Mimi:



She's one of the BFL fleeces from last spring that I had sent off to Ozark Carding Mill to be turned into pin-drafted roving. The sheen of this fleece just kills me. I have plans to make the Weekend Pullover by Veronik Avery in the Fall IK with this yarn (if it gauges out right). I think the silvery gray will be beautiful in the pattern...

I also participated in the Spinning Roving Swap. And folks, this is what arrived today direct from the Greatest Swap Partner of All Time, Purlewe!



That's a 4oz each of Spunky Eclectic 80/20 Merino/Silk in "Phenomenon" and South African Fine in "Cool Rain" as well as two patterns, one for a pretty throw pillow and the other a Matthew Shepherd memorial scarf (this pattern made me cry...) as well as some Halloween stickers. To say I was shocked does not even begin to describe it! Thanks Anj!! You seriously made my day.

As we all know, I have a very relaxed dog. Well, I am here to tell you that he is not the only one in this house who is enjoying his afternoon naps on the couch.



This would be Huxley, totally upside-down. The cat police will probably try to confiscate this picture for the obvious harm it does to the Aloof Cat image. Tough cookies, cat police!

Down Deep

Hey folks-

I know I haven't piped up for awhile. These last few weeks have been increasingly difficult for me. I've been ruminating in my house, unwilling (and sometimes mentally unable) to leave. I know, it sounds far worse than it really is. I've had some schoolwork to do, but I haven't really worked on it at all. And I came to the realization last weekend that this little sojourn of mine into my head needs to end. And soon. I need to go back to work.

This was an experiment, this staying at home thing. And it doesn't work for me. I thought it would be so much different than what it has turned out to be. Mostly, I'm lonely (but yet socially paralyzed to the extent that I can't leave the house. Lovely that!). I've always known that I am an external thinker; I need people around to bounce ideas and plans off of, to try them on for size. And I have to tell you: Oslo just ain't cuttin' it in his role as a sounding board. Being busy is my savior; I actually like being overloaded. I saw my mentor from school last night and I talked to her about how it is to stay at home and it was as if she had lived my life. I talked about how I need my own money again (and to MAKE my own money) even though Jon's salary more than supports our lifestyle. She filled in the sentence with "I'm sure he's happy to provide money to you, but you feel terribly guilty about taking it, right?" And that's it exactly, I need to feel like I have an equity stake in our household, that I'm not some financial remora.

So I started applying to jobs, submitting my resume and cover letters, and all I've heard in return is utter silence. I manically check my inbox, wondering if I provided the wrong email address, but after I check for the millionth time, I see that I haven't. It's a horrible feeling to feel like you're uncompelling. I know that it's all about the network and that I am the most impatient person on Earth, but this lack of anything is almost worse than not sticking my neck out there at all and rotting away in my house.

Of course I've been knitting, but even that isn't making my heart and hands happy like it used to. Plus, all the knitting I've been up to is Secret Gift Knitting, so I can't show you anyway. It'll be that way for a while yet, until I finish a few key projects for the upcoming holidays. Maybe I'll start a cardigan just so that I'll have something to post about.